I've never been so proud of my government

The question of what makes a man fit to govern has been a staple diet of political commentators and, to a lesser extent, the electorate since, well, forever. The past foibles of the men and women that would lead us are laid bare – often at the most inopportune moment and in excruciating detail – in the interest of allowing informed voting decisions to be made.

Of course, a desire for newspaper sales and personal advancement have nothing whatsoever to do with these eyebrow-raising revelations.

As early as 34AD, Seneca the Younger was almost killed by Emperor Caligula for revealing that they had both smoked pot behind the Colisseum as students. And just four years later, he was banished to Corsica by Emperor Claudius for revealing lurid details of the latter’s wine-soaked antics on his son Brittanicus’ stag do.

How today’s politicians must rue the fourth’s estate ability to publish and be damned in these less-deferential times.

Which brings me to today’s fantastical headlines about the Cabinet’s jazz-fag toking personal histories. No fewer than nine senior members of cabinet have fessed up to smoking the herb.

From Waccy-Baccy Jacqui to Blunt-loving Blears, Doobie Denham to Homegrown Hutton, it appears Britain is in the hands of people who a few short years ago were staring at the wall and remarking on their newfound ability to orgasm, like, mentally.

Of course, they weren’t all at it. The Millibands didn’t do drugs (come on lads, lighten up! What’s a few million less cells in brains the size of yours?), nor did Jack Straw, Ed Balls and Douglas Alexander.

And of course our Great Leader didn’t go near the stuff. Well, duh! Who the hell would have invited HIM to a half-decent party?

Still, there’s enough of an influence left to make me wonder what those Cabinet meetings are really like. The quality of Optrex has improved to the point that no one’s going to be able to tell you’re stoned from the red eyes anymore. So, all I want to know is – who’s the first to go for the biscuits?

http://politics.guardian.co.uk/homeaffairs/story/0,,2130973,00.html